Rocking your Resolutions: Connecting with Your “Why”

For the last few years, I’ve had the same New Year’s Resolution: I wanted to become a Morning Person.

Specifically, I wanted to become a member of the 5:00 AM Club.

Even more specifically: I wanted to have the “That Girl” morning routine.

For those of you even newer to the social media trend than I was (and let’s face it, I was pretty late to it to begin with), That Girl prioritizes herself and her self-care and seems to always have everything under control. She is impossibly lithe, works out every day, eats perfectly balanced, organic meals, reads books instead of scrolling on social media (even though she always seems to be posting about herself on social media), and apparently has time to gua sha on a regular basis.

Her morning routine is equally impressive and meticulously planned: She wakes up before dawn – refreshed and with perfectly tousled hair –, and by the time the rest of the world is stumbling out of bed towards the bathroom to get ready for work, That Girl has already made her bed, drunk half a gallon of lemon water, done a 45-minute workout or yoga flow, showered, completed a full skincare and makeup routine, journaled, and answered all her critical emails for the morning (possibly after having read a whole chapter of a self-improvement book) while sipping on a homemade, iced, dairy-free matcha latte and nibbling avo-toast with a side of vitamin supplements that would make a horse choke.

To be clear, That Girl is yet another of the many toxic social media trends out there: a fantasy version of life designed to make women strive for yet another unrealistic ideal.

And I wanted her morning routine soooo bad!

That Girl’s morning routine offered up an image of productivity, discipline and über-healthy living. It sold a promise that if you rose before the sun did and did all these tasks “for yourself,” you were a Boss Babe who was unstoppable for the rest of the day and in all areas of your life. And, despite being a reasonably intelligent and worldly woman of 40-something who teaches my older daughter not to buy into unrealistic promises on social media…something about this one drew me in. I couldn’t even articulate why.

Even while knowing better, I bought into the exaggerated narrative of hyper-productivity and excellent health, enhanced by oodles of self-care, probiotic- and supergreens-filled powders, and “putting ME first.” I told myself that if I could wake up at 5:00 am every morning, get my workout done for the day, and power through a list of “healthy” tasks, it would mean that I had discipline. I would be a better, fitter, more hydrated version of the person I was now, with glowing skin, smaller sized clothes, and tons of energy and time to myself. I’d be the Master of the Universe in all aspects of my professional and personal lives because Hell, I got 50 things done at the ass crack of dawn. I prioritized myself!

Establishing this routine felt like a glorious challenge with possibly transformative rewards. So for a few years, I put the That Girl morning routine on the top of my list of New Year’s Resolutions.

And each one of those years, I failed at it.

Every time I failed, I felt exhausted and discouraged. The routine had become a chore, but being unable to keep it going made me feel like a failure. Waking up at 5:00 am every morning was HARD for me. I also hated doing a full-blown workout so early in the day, when I was barely awake. Most mornings I turned the alarm off and went back to sleep. What did this mean about me?  Apparently, I wasn’t disciplined. I wasn’t productive. I just wasn’t That Girl.

This January, as I thought about my resolutions for 2025, I revisited the That Girl routine. The truth was, despite failing each time before, despite knowing in my heart how unrealistic it was for me, something about this waking-up-early habit still really appealed to me. I wanted it on my list of resolutions again!  This time, however, I started getting really curious about why this was still so important to me.

And, this time, I decided to approach it differently than I had in the past.

I started by asking myself these questions:

• WHY do I want this cockamamy routine in my life?
• WHAT does this routine really mean to me?
• HOW does this routine serve me?
• WHO do I want to be to have this routine?

I had never given a fraction of this kind of thought to my resolutions in the past. However, taking the time to think carefully about the answers to these questions – clearly differentiating my own perspectives from any outside messaging I had received – made all the difference in the world!

People love to say that sticking with your resolutions or achieving your goals is ultimately about discipline. I don’t totally agree. Discipline is certainly a part of it, but if you aren’t truly connected to your goals, if you don’t 100% understand what specifically you want and how a particular goal satisfies that want, discipline eventually falls by the wayside.

I have honestly come to believe that resolutions are simply more successful when you start with a clear understanding of WHY they are important to YOU. What is it about this goal that is so attractive to you?  Who do you have to be to achieve it?  Who are you right now?  What will success look like for YOU, not someone else?  You may have to go under the surface to explore these things — and you might have to tweak what the resolution looks like a bit — but once they all align with what you truly want, the result is a goal that has real purpose!  Afterwards, you can get intentional about creating your own, customized plan to get you to that goal. Discipline becomes much easier to find and maintain at that point.

In my case, I finally realized what really appealed to me about this routine. I wanted to have quiet, uninterrupted time for myself. Waking up early simply meant that I could have some time alone without having to cater to kids, work and pets. I could do whatever I wanted. The list of To Dos in That Girl’s routine, or even the S.A.V.E.R.S from the book The Miracle Morning, may have provided structure to those early hours in a way that appealed to my love of order, and it certainly made me feel like I was designing a healthy, mindful lifestyle. Ultimately, however, these things were unnecessary for me.

Moreover, I discovered that my fixation with the idea of early morning productivity stemmed from the burnout I had been experiencing for the past few years — burnout that made me feel like I was never being productive enough during the work day. This in turn left me feeling guilty and frustrated.

I also realized I was always feeling rushed. As soon as I got up in the morning, I would be a whirlwind of activity. I would get myself ready for work at the same time as I was getting my children ready for school, walking the dog, and hopefully caffeinating myself. Because I was so tired after work and had to jump straight back into Mom Mode towards the end of the day, I had very little time just for me. Every moment of my day was accounted for and usually in service of someone else. I also realized that adding another list of tasks in the early morning was making me feel harried and stressed.

I just wanted some quiet, unrushed time for me. And this routine I had built up in my head wasn’t truly serving me. It never had. Technically, it provided time for myself, which was what attracted me to it originally. It also came with pressure to “be productive.”  When I really thought about it, I didn’t necessarily want to be super productive in the morning. I just wanted to be a calmer, happier person, with a moment at the start of the day to focus on no one but myself. And I could make my own routine that would be in service of just that! 

So, I made the following changes:

• Now, I wake up only about an hour earlier than when I have to get my kids up. This is manageable for me. No 5:00 am alarms anymore.
• My “routine”, as it were, includes just a few things that make me feel centered and energized, and create a positive mindset. This looks like: drinking water; a quick meditation; a bit of stretching or movement to wake up my body; and five minutes of gratitude journaling. Then, I wash up, dress, walk the dog, and feed the pets. Afterwards, I can shift into Mom Mode and cater to my kids.
• Everything in my routine is flexible now, except for drinking water (which automatically makes me feel better) and caring for the pets. If there isn’t time for one thing, I let it go and do it later. There are no longer any Have To’s, or at least no Have To’s at specific times. And on the rare mornings when I have a little extra time, it’s my time. I can use it however I want.

The best thing about making this new routine?  I’ve stuck with it consistently for weeks now, and I feel great!  (And yes, I DO have discipline!)

Of course, there are days when I haven’t slept well, and it is challenging to get up early. On those day I don’t beat myself up for stepping out of bed 15, even 30 minutes late. I am kind to myself. I adjust my routine to fit the one or two things that I want to do in the remaining time. Nothing feels forced. I’m doing what feels right and meets the exact need and desire I have. I am creating a habit that both truly serves me AND I am confident I can maintain. And that is an empowering feeling!

How connected are you to the WHY behind your resolutions this year?  Reach out, or comment below!