I struggle a lot with being present.
As someone who is easily affected by stress and anxiety and has a bad habit of always trying to make myself “busy” in order to feel productive (yes, I am very aware that they are not the same thing), I’m prone to distraction and feeling hassled.
I have a tendency to put 50 things on my To Do list, and then I flit from one task to another. Oftentimes I move to the next thing without having finished the first.
I watch Netflix on my phone while folding laundry (because folding laundry is boring).
I’m easily distracted by texts and alerts that come in while I’m supposed to be concentrating on whatever I’m doing.
I frequently glance at my phone or the tv when I am supposed to be playing with my kids.
Finally, many times I am simply thinking about something other than what I am supposed to be focusing on.
This past Saturday, however, I made a commitment to be present. (Well, at least for the weekend.) And it was wonderful.
I had woken up feeling a little low. It was one of those days when all I wanted was to lie on the couch and watch tv. I had a list of tasks I wanted to get done in my Productivity Planner (paid link*), but I was having difficulty focusing on them. My kids were playing in the family room. I really hoped that they would play nicely together downstairs while I took a break and my husband watched them. As it turns out, however, my husband was low energy, too, and had fallen asleep on the family room couch. This left the girls calling for me to come down and help them make a pillow fort.
Confession: my phone pretty much holds permanent residence in my pocket. Second confession: I know perfectly well that it doesn’t need to. I don’t work in the fields of ER care, politics or national security. No one is desperately trying to reach me on a weekend.
For some reason, on that particular Saturday in the early afternoon, I remembered this.
I hauled my butt off the couch in my office and thought, “You aren’t getting anything else done right now, so you might as well help make a fort.” I put my phone away, told my oldest to bring the fort making supplies upstairs — so as not to disturb Sleeping Hubby — and replaced everything on my To Do list for that day with just one critical mission: build an absolutely rockin pillow fort.
And a rockin pillow fort it was!
I threw myself wholeheartedly into the project. Feeding off the excitement and happiness of my kids, I kept thinking of new things to add to the fort. Minecraft and Encanto bedsheets for privacy. Sheepskins on the ground to make a soft, comfy carpet. Fairy lights to hang inside for a soft, warm glow. Little beds for the Bluey and Bingo stuffies who had to join us (of course). The Frozen soundtrack playing in the background. And finally, bowls of snacks for the girls to munch while cozied up inside this truly incredible structure. Looking at the happy grins on my daughters’ faces, mouths covered in Cheetos powder and Thin Mints crumbs, I didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world but right there with them.
It had been snowing outside for a while, so when I sensed the girls were getting bored with the fort, I suggested we go outside and play in the snow. We bundled up and went into the backyard where the fun continued with snowball fights and building mini snowmen. We even worked together to shovel the driveway and part of the sidewalks in the cul-de-sac. Even I — a city girl who never grew up shoveling a driveway and who counts it among one of my least favorite tasks now that I live in a house – thoroughly enjoyed the shoveling. I wasn’t thinking about how much I didn’t like it normally. Instead, I was so present in the moment, so lost in the happy feeling of being outside in the fresh snow with my children, that it felt like play.
The mood was so warm and uplifting that I didn’t want it to end. The truth is, I couldn’t remember a recent time when I had connected with my children like this. Therefore, I asked my children what they wanted to do tomorrow. We planned a Baking Day! My youngest and I combed through recipes and settled on blueberry muffins and homemade soft pretzels. I recommitted again to being present with my family the next day and to not being distracted by my phone, worries about work, or a list of To Do’s.
The result? Sunday was just as fun and cozy as Saturday (and ten times more delicious)! Even better, I woke up on Monday feeling more refreshed, re-energized, and ready for work than I normally am.
I know that being present is a choice I don’t make frequently enough. I imagine not a lot of people do, either. And yet, it makes such a profound difference in how we experience what we are doing and with whom we are doing it. Often, when I am playing with my children, marvelous moments where I should be having fun, acting like a kid again or immersing myself in the girls’ creativity and joy become mere background noise to my “busy-ness” (aka distractedness). It’s even worse if I’ve got my phone next to me or the tv on, or when I’m thinking about what else I have to do that day, tomorrow, or later in the week.
When we are not truly present, we miss important moments or details that we will later regret. We are also more likely to let life sweep us along, instead of truly experiencing life.
You may have to make a conscientious decision to truly be present for something, especially if you aren’t a super mindful person all the time (I definitely am not). However, the rewards are so worthwhile. You can boost your energy just by focusing on the one thing you are doing, even when it is something you normally don’t enjoy (e.g., shoveling your driveway). Your presence and attention will have a huge impact on the people with you. Being present can restore a sense of balance to your day when you would otherwise have felt overwhelmed by other obligations. Finally, you will actually be a part of the experience instead of just witnessing it.
It takes practice to make this into a habit. It’s like a muscle that you need to keep using over and over again to make it stronger. However, like most habits it starts with small steps. For example:
- Think of an activity you want to do, or someone you want to spend time with, and make a plan.
- Make a list of what tends to distract you, and put these things aside. Or, take a moment to clear your head before starting the activity.
- Even if it’s just for 30 minutes, be intentional about throwing yourself into only this one activity or really listening to/being with that person. (Multitasking is an overrated skill, anyway…)
- For those 30 minutes, choose to be present and to fully experience what those 30 minutes have to offer!
Small steps make a difference. Case in point: that Monday, one of the girls came into my office to ask for help with something, so I got up and went with them.
The first thing I did before going was leave my phone on the side table. 😊
What do you need to do to help yourself be more present? Feel free to comment below!
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