The Power of Intentionality: Reclaiming Choice

When life feels like a blur of responsibilities, to-dos, and emotional reactivity, it’s easy to believe you don’t have a choice. But you do. And that has the power to change everything.

Why Intentionality Matters

When you lose your sense of purpose and are no longer present in the moment because you constantly feel overwhelmed or like your life isn’t within your control, you’re not alone. Many of us are operating in survival mode, running from one task to the next or trying to manage competing demands without ever pausing to ask, “Is this working for me?”

When you’re not present, unclear on your deeper priorities, or disconnected from your values, life doesn’t feel like something you’re actively living. Instead, it feels like something that’s happening to you.

What Is Intentionality?

Intentionality is the practice of living, working, and making decisions from a place of clarity and alignment. In other words, living intentionally is living on purpose, rather than by default.

Being intentional about how you approach life means you do pause long enough to remember that:

You have choices;
You can respond instead of react (yes, there is a difference) and
You are allowed to design your life around what actually matters to you.

It’s important to understand that intentionality is not about rigid control. It’s about conscious engagement with your life. It’s the opposite of simply running on autopilot.

Why It Feels Like You Don’t Have a Choice

When you’re constantly dealing with tight deadlines, caregiving duties, endless tasks, and emotional exhaustion, the idea of “choosing differently” can feel impossible. Sometimes, it even seems insulting, and it’s easy to get defensive (“You don’t understand my situation…” is what I hear often).

I get it. I really do, because I’ve been there. But remember in my last article when I talked about the importance of recognizing when you are telling yourself a “story”? “I don’t have a choice” is a common element of the story we tell ourselves when we feel like we are underwater.

However, if we separate our story from the facts of our circumstances, we can manage better the emotions and anxiety that are paralyzing us and keeping us from action. From that point, we can more easily identify small steps, small decisions that will move us forward and towards a better outcome.

Keep this in mind: you don’t have to change everything all at once to start living more intentionally. You just have to begin noticing what you’re doing automatically and why.

Also, when you’re not clear on your values and priorities, the world will decide them for you. The result? You’ll say Yes when you mean No. You’ll stay up late working when your body is asking for rest. You’ll overcommit because you’re afraid of letting other people down. And you’ll believe there’s “no time” for what you truly need.

This is just conditioning. And it’s something you can unlearn.

Intentionality Is a Skill

The good news is that intentionality can be practiced.

Here are some ways we start building this skill. Ask yourself the following questions:

Gaining clarity: What are your core values? What really matters most to you right now (not in theory, but in actual practice)?
Nervous system regulation: What can you do to calm and quiet your nervous system? (Because it’s really hard to be intentional when you’re operating in fight-or-flight.)
Priority mapping: What is essential right now vs. what is just background noise?
Choice awareness: Where do you feel like you “have no choice”? What would shift if you paused before simply reacting?

The goal is never perfection. The goal is to get present. From a place of presence, you can make empowered choices, even during particularly hard times.

Intentionality in Action

Being intentional doesn’t mean everything goes to plan – because life rarely does! What it really means is that you know what matters when the plan changes.

Here are some small examples of what this might look like in real life:

Saying No when someone asks for volunteers to do an extra project, even if you’re afraid of disappointing someone, because you’ve already worked a 10-hour day and your children need you emotionally.
Choosing to order takeout instead of making dinner from scratch, not out of guilt, but because it’s late, your energy is limited, and you’d rather spend your evening being present with your family.
Taking a five-minute pause between meetings, just to breathe and reset. Your nervous system isn’t a machine, and you don’t need to live like one.
Taking 20 minutes during lunch for a brisk walk because you no longer have time for a workout, but you know how important movement is to you for your mental and physical health.

Intentionality doesn’t require more time, but it does require more of your attention. It pushes you to reconnect with yourself at any moment of the day, identify what you need, and make conscious decisions – no matter how small — that are aligned with those needs. It also requires some level of flexibility and willingness to make adjustments on your part.

You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

The world often celebrates hustle, sacrifice, and self-neglect in the name of success or service. Many of us are so conditioned to accept this that we don’t even consciously think about it anymore: we just believe that this is the way we have to be in order to succeed. However, I strongly encourage you to consider the following:

You don’t have to earn your rest.

You don’t have to prove your worth through exhaustion.

And finally, you don’t have to do it all on your own. Think about the people in your support system – e.g., friends, family, other resources to which you have access – that you can rely on to step in and lend a hand. You wouldn’t believe how many people refuse to ask for help when they need it, even when the people they could ask have volunteered or offered to assist. (Seriously, there will be plenty of opportunities in your life when you will need to don the superhero cape and carry a load on your own – but you don’t need to be the lone superhero every day! Save that energy for when you really need it.)

Remember: intentional living is a practice. Furthermore, it’s a practice that you are worthy of learning. This is where support from a coach can help.

In my coaching, I help my clients to:

Reconnect with their values;
Set boundaries that feel aligned (and sustainable);
Reduce reactivity and overwhelm; and
Create space in their everyday lives for rest, clarity, and choice again.

You Always Have a Choice

You can’t always control your job demands, your child’s sleep schedule, or the next unexpected crisis. But you can choose how you relate and respond to them.

You can choose to lead your life with intention instead of reaction.

You can choose to make room for what matters to you, even when life or your calendar seem a bit messy.

Essentially, you can choose you.

Because the well-resourced, more grounded version of you is the one who will make the most meaningful impact in your work, your relationships, and your life.